My horoscope today read something like, “the career transition you are experiencing might be exciting, but it’ll eventually turn out like every other job with all the normal annoyances of office life, so don’t rush into anything.” I love reading my horoscope to see it if matches up with anything in my real life. Well, this time it does.
I’m flying back from Boston right now. I just left a third-round interview where the president of the company roasted me on math brainteasers. I got 0 out of 4 correct. These interviews make me dread having to go back to work where I will inevitably be hostage to deadlines and schedules and petty office politics, superiors’ erupting egos and grey walls. I’ll be anxious about my work, constantly trying to please others and continually needing to promote my work and myself, lest I get laid off again.
Although I hope I eventually get a job and know I need one to survive in this society and to make a large-scale impact in the world, I can’t help but feel deeply, deeply grateful for having had this summer off. For the first time in years, I felt what it was like to see the sun on a regular basis, decide what my day was going to look like, and explore my own interests. Finally, I felt like I had control over my future and began to think about career possibilities beyond my day-to-day tasks. I had time to dream beyond tomorrow.
I spent time at Elka and worked on the open porch. Surrounded by nature with family and friends close by, I forgot that there was a rat-race world out there where people spend their lives in front of computers inside at desks. Did you know, people literally brag about who spends more time at the office, who sees their families less, and who devotes more of their lives to work? Vered would try to do this with me, and it drove me insane. Most people aren’t curing AIDS. They’re shackling themselves to their desks for things that are, in the grand scheme, relatively petty. Maybe they’re slaving away for big clients who create little good I the world. Or maybe they’re working long hours for inefficient non-profits with poor management. Whatever it is, I don’t believe people are as productive when they focus at these tasks for hours on end. Insanely long workdays also make me think that their work style, or their organization, is inefficient. I know, especially after having had this summer of freedom, that I don’t want my life to be spent in a cubicle following someone else’s demands. To be in nature and surrounded by family and friends, is how, I think, humans are supposed to live.
I know there are careers out that allow more flexibility, where I can see the sunlight, take responsibility of projects, and have my voice heard. But I also know I most likely have to do this bottom-eating work before I get there, pleasing others and seeing their ideas to fruition. I hope I can eventually get enough experience where I can then see my ideas to fruition and have control over my life.
I hope I can get there. I know it’ll be hard work.
As I figure out my next steps, I am trying to keep this big picture in mind so I don’t get too anxious about where I go next or what I do. I know that our careers are full of lots of steps. With each one we have to learn, grow, and take the most out of it that we can. Hopefully, if I can learn and reflect with each step, I can end up somewhere I want to be and as the person I want to be. I am trying to stay focused, open-minded, and clear-headed, but I know I will misstep at times. I hope that despite these inevitable missteps I can eventually get to where I want to be, alongside the people I love.
(Also I’m having so much trouble getting over Jason. Idk what to do. I think I’ll be single forever.)
I love you.